Tuesday, November 13, 2007

On my mind

I was having a good day, until i picked Tia up from childcare this afternoon. Because i had a little chat with the head supervisor/teacher about Miss Tia. *sigh* She slapped the other supervisor/childcare assistant in the face!!!!!! OMG!!!!!! She also got in other kids faces and screamed at them and was pretty aggressive oh and she often plays by herself in her own world. i was then told they had noticed she has hit kids a few times and one of their tutors sat in on their day/morning and asked if tia had autism! So then it was suggested i get her tested for autism, that she could be heaps autistic or a tiny bit autistic.. (it was nicely put)

i said id take her to the doctor and check up on the web to see more about autism.
Before this they only told me once that Tia 'had troubles keeping her hands to herself', i wish i had been informed of the other weeks, i do usually ask 'how tia went'.
i dont think it is autism. DH thinks she hears differently to what people say and gets upset.... or cant communicate in words enough and gets upset.

Her speech development is lacking, its hard for others to understand and she cant really say more than 2 sentences at a time unless it is a story, which it usually is. Tia talks alot about invisible monsters, princess sarah & goblin king (from the labyrinth, her fave movie) sarah (her invisible friend or when she decides that her name is sarah) she picks alot of things up from tv and even a few lines copied from her favourite dvds. Once she had a huge conversation with the lady down the road (who speaks not much english) and it was "sentence, gibberish, word, gibberish,word, gibberish" altho she knew very well whatever it was she was saying..

Tia does play in her own world, usually after she has scared the other kids by being so overwhelmed she has a kid to play with! Alot of the kids have been there awhile, aren't very sociable past their own siblings so, what is she to do? she plays at home by herself is that wrong?

and aggressive? yes, she has a real attitude, even hit me a few times. Tia never really had the tantrums, or the toddler biting thing, she didnt have much attitude when she was younger in her pram.. she argues a fair bit and will sometimes just for the sake of arguing! But now theres tantrums as soon as she doesnt get her way. (just not in the throw body down and cry toddler way! she stomps her feet, huffs, refuses to hold my hand, slams her door, cries, shouts at me... its like she is a teenager already! Not a 4 year old!!) a few people have told me that tia seems like a older child/women who occasionally has a toddler moment by saying something funny. e.g she was looking for her hat in her bag and she said 'Oh GOD, where is MY hat?' (as if praying)

she drew me a picture of me when i was talking to her of a sad face (pic to come) and even got me a few tissues, i was pretty upset. She is so very smart in some areas, her new latest thing to draw alot of is heart shapes!


Tracey said...

Hmm, I don't think it's autism either. My kids have been that way as well(my almost 4 year old still bites sometimes and my 5 year old likes to hit his brother on the head with things!).

She is still adjusting to being there and you mentioned the communication thing, which could be part of the problem.

Jayden(5) has communication problems and it was something that I didn't really pick up(being my first child and all that). When we went to see the speech therapist she said that there are concepts that he doesn't yet understand that he should and this was probably why he was giving attitude or misbehaving(which really he wasn't, he just didn't know what he was told).

Maybe that's one avenue to look down anyway, you can go to the GP and they will talk to her and if they think she is needing to be assessed with her speech and all that, they will refer her(but word of warning, the waiting list is quite long if you go public).

Either that or you can book in with a private speech therapist and get her assessed straight away.

I should have taken Jayden earlier, but I didn't even pick it. He is just lucky that he still has all of next year to catch up before he is in year one.

Sorry for the rambling, I don't know if any of it makes sense. I'm tired and I often do this when I need sleep! lol

Oh and before I go, *HUGE HUGS*

Kelly Mahoney said...

I had no idea how common autism is until recently. Glad to hear you're seeking a professional opinion.

Maria said...

I wouldn't have thought Tia had autism (just going by the two times I've met her), but then again I have never met an autistic child and only know of it from what I've seen in movies and tv. I can understand and see how her behaviour would fit in the "normal" category too - not that hitting is normal and acceptable..but it doesn't necessarily mean she has a personality or learning disorder.

The hitting/slapping would worry me and I'd probably seek advice on that.. like buy the "Super Nanny's" book off eBay or something. I think she did a very good job with kids on her tv show.. I don't know what you think of the Super Nanny?

I'm being bold here giving you my opinion and I hope I don't offend you in any way. My heart is just to help and of course you can take it or leave it :-) It sounds like you feel partially responsible for some of Tia's behaviours? As in, it's not her fault she's on her own or doesn't get exposed to other kids..that sort of thing? I can relate.. because I was a single Mum for a few years and I'd do things that I felt were "loving" Jenna because I felt sorry for her.. because of our circumstances of being a sole parent family - and my "love" or rewards for her or "permission giving" or "leniency" wasn't really loving her at all.

A parent is still a parent and discipline is actually loving them. I've seen the same parallel's in Cesar Milan's "The Dog Whisperer" series. People love their dogs so much..and they have unruly dogs who do what they want and actually seem to be the boss of their owners. Tia, when she hits, isn't being respectful. Being rebellious and throwing tantrums is probably going to happen to some degree with little children. However.. there is a right way to handle it that will mean.. in the future, Tia will know hitting isn't right and there will be consequences. (I'm doing a parenting course right now.. bear with me!!). Consistency is the key re: the consequences. I have sucked at consistency myself.. especially now in the interim as I am a single parent again! Kids are smart (Tia is intelligent) - they know instantly if we aren't consistent and how to get away with things and push our buttons. It's common. Always, always following through no matter what. Never threaten something you won't follow through with. Not being afraid to stand your ground as the boss of your child because you are. I recommend hiring the Super Nanny series - she's awesome with her "time out" behaviour management. Even with princess's the same age as Tia. Sure, the kids initially REALLY hate it when parents turn it all around and say "hang on.. you're going to be obedient here".. And it often gets a little worse before it gets better. But it always gets better!! There is much hope!!

Rule-out any disorders.. I agree. But you will be enhancing Tia's life and blessing her socks off by learning how to stop her anti-social behaviours. You're her Mama.. she needs you to do that for her.. with DH ..the two of you as a team, supporting each other to love your girl, with proper discipline. (Again ruling out any disorders).

I hope it's ok I said all that. I care for you guys! :-)

Shar said...

It is so naughty of childcare workers to say things like that!They are absolutely not qualified to make a prognosis (I know you didn't say they did, but...they may as well have), and absolutely should not put any parent through the type of worry you must be going through, possibly/probably needlessly. It is their job to tell you about developmental concerns, and to suggest seeking a qualified opinion but not to give labels to their concerns. In your position, I would ask the early childhhod teacher at your centre (as oppposed to child care worker) to give you a developmental report including concerns and then go see your paediatrician or gp who will refer you to other relevant professionals if necessary.

As an early childhood educator I have seen the behaviours you have mentioned in many children that have not been autistic. My own daughter has a fantasy world, not too disimilar to Tia's (she is also 4 and an only child) and the tanties...man! They do need to be managed especially the hitting, and there are some really interesting support books out there as well as community parenting groups that address these kinds of issues - ask your centre to organise one. Our own modified form of "123-Magic" mostly works for us.

Good luck with this Tiffany.

Tiffany said...

i appreciate all your suggestions! thanks for spending the time to help me out! ;)